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Who Moved The Stone?

The penitent Mary Magdalene, a much reproduced...

Mary Magdalene Was Not A Bodybuilder

Since I just wrote about the sign of Jonah, this is a quite fitting topic to follow with. A question that has been asked for over 2000 years and not one definitive answer has been given but we have the Christian claim that he is risen. Let’s take a look and see if we can shed any light on this question.First thing we have to ask is who first saw the stone moved and why were they there. Mary Magdalene was there and she went to anoint Jesus. Anoint a body that has been dead for 3 days although it received a proper Jewish wrap with spices before it was entombed? That itself is very strange but let’s overlook it. We know according to the bible she went to anoint his body. One would ask if any of the other people at the time such as Jews or Muslims anointed dead bodies after 3 days. The answer unsurprisingly is no. Now we can ask why Mary Magdalene wanted to anoint a body that has been dead for 3 days. Well personally I don’t think she did and after reading this entire article you might not think so either. Let’s fast forward a bit to Jesus, in his disguise as a gardener, asking Mary a profoundly stupid question

Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou?

I mean seriously. Did he forget why she was there? Mary, thinking she was talking to the gardener [apparently Jesus was really good at disguises. must have learned the trick from the ever hiding father of his] said

She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, if thou have borne him hence, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away.

C’mon, no Christian in 2000 years understands what Mary said? Unless one is going to claim Jesus weighed about 50 lbs. or Mary was the envy of all female bodybuilders can someone explain how she intended to carry not only Jesus dead body but the 50 lbs. of anointing oils and perfume also? The short answer and one I hope becoming obvious is that she was expecting to find not a dead body but a living Jesus. But let’s put that on the back burner for a second.

Jesus appeared as a gardener. Is that what is expected for a resurrected body or is the resurrected body going to be our normal appearance? The answer is of course our resurrected appearance will be our normal physical appearance not some gardener. Now here our questions lead to some interesting answers. Why was Jesus disguised as a gardener? Apparently he didn’t want to be recognized or possibly he was actively hiding from someone. If he was hiding, from who and why? Well if anyone he would be hiding from the Jews since they wanted his death. The why should be glaringly obvious to anyone reading. He was hiding from the Jews because he neither died nor was resurrected.

Jesus decided to finally reveal himself to Mary and she went to touch him. Jesus backed away telling Mary

Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father

Why did he tell her not to touch him? Can’t really answer that as the bible gives no reason but I can suspect why. Jesus had nails driven through him [watch the scene in Mel Gibson‘s movie], stabbed in the side, suffered a severe beating and lain in a tomb for some time. I can tell you if that happened to me I wouldn’t want to be touched cause it would hurt like hell. Apparently it would have hurt Jesus too but where I can ‘vent’ by swearing like a sailor, Jesus didn’t have that option so he told Mary not to touch him. The second half of that verse is kind of odd. What did Jesus mean by it? Among semitic people language is colored with idioms of all types. Basically Jesus told Mary, “I am not dead yet” which would strengthen the last sentence of the preceding paragraph.

Ok, the original question I asked hasn’t been answered but we now have enough knowledge from the bible story to form an answer. Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus are the two disciples that took Jesus off the cross [conveniently enough the third present was none other than Mary Magdalene]. Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus then took Jesus to the tomb and as the bible cleary says Joseph of Arimathis himself rolled the stone in front of the tomb. The answer to our question is pretty obvious now. Who moved the stone? Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus.

[tweetmeme source=”noreligionblog” only_single=falsehttps://noreligionblog.wordpress.com/2010/02/14/who-moved-the-stone/]

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2 Responses

  1. Jesus didn’t disguise as a gardener. He was mistaken as a gardener. Huge difference. How? The book only stated that Mary went there early in the morning when it was still dark. Knowing that it is dark and they were inside the tomb, it is for sure that Mary couldn’t recognize him clearly.

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